Stranger in Paradise

This is my native city. I should belong but I don't. I never did, to be honest. Never felt rooted here, always wanted it out. But I also never belonged to any other place in the world I visited or lived in for period of times. There was this natural detachment that I have with places as much as with possessions. Sure, it's nice to be there or have them around for the time being, but I can go without them all. Easy.

Now, instead, I am afraid that I am finally in troubles. I started to relate to the majority of people who buried their hearts in one only place on earth, no matter where they find themselves throughout their lives.

My heart must be buried somewhere in Elysia Park, Topanga Canyon or Griffith Park. Should you be curious to find it for good, hire Moki as a scout. My dog knows where my heart is. I have become a real Angeleno through and through. I miss everything about my beautiful city just a few days after leaving.

Kind of funny because I am in Milan, Italy. A place that most of my L.A. friends consider paradise dreaming of the elegant boutiques, the fabulous restaurants and the old churches and museums to visit. Well, I got good news for you. All those gorgeous things that make Milan such a special city are still there. So is the pollution, though, that is ten times worse than Los Angeles' because of the urban structure made of narrow streets and tall buildings that trap the cars exhausts and heating fuels.

Anytime I come to Milan in winter, when the heating of houses and offices is a bare necessity, I get sick. I can't breath. My eyes swell and get red and itchy. My throat gets sore and my voice goes down.

These are the first symptoms. I tried to ignore them and I keep going, pacing the subways up and down and swallowing my miraculous yellow pills of Chinese herbs. They work wonders against colds and flu in L.A. but they have no power under the Milan gray, salmon ribboned sky. My head starts to spin and It's very hard even to get up.

I get warmed up by casual encounters, though. They can happen on the street or in elevators. Like the other day, when I was going up to the 9th floor for a business meeting in the offices of Elle magazine. Stop at the 3rd floor. A guy all wrapped in his coat and scarf gets in, and asks me if I'm going up or down. I can't even manage an answer before finding myself trapped in a bear hug, lasting all the way to the 9th floor.

This was my friend Gianni Brancaccio, who used to be the art director of the second magazine I worked for. It was Paleozoic time but he still looks the same despite the grey in his hair. His eyes are bright and his heart, evidently, still as big. Gianni was great. He had a vision. Working with him was fun.

I meet another woman that I am sure to know at Cucchi. Her face looks just identical, only as if a make-up artist had tried to make a young face look older adding a few wrinkles here, a little sagging there. She said she feels the same way about me. Well, much more politely she says "you look exactly the same!" but that's just kindness. And she says and asks things that are heartfelt.

All my friends in Milan are great people and it's lovely to have a chance to hug them in person, a couple of times a year. Yet, if my mom wasn't alive anymore, I might come just once, in Spring or Summer.

Milan and I get along only from April to September. Any other month, I pay an unbearable price for my visit. And I start dreaming of the day I can come back to you, L.A. I did not give a dam about you for almost twelve years, treating you just as granted, and now I am all heels over head for you.

I am truly, insanely, sexually (as Mae West used to sign her letters) and passionately yours, L.A.

Five more days and I'll be able to kiss again your sun-kissed sandy land. How nice!

Comments

[JT]

Milan is the source of everything that is evil! I get the same stupid sickness any time I set my feet out there.

[f.]

maybe it's because you guys, after years in a very comfortable and bright place like L.A., have lost the antibody that you develop in a strong place like Milan...

[Idetrorce]

very interesting, but I don't agree with you
Idetrorce